Hi, I am in Langley, want to bang me?

Without a doubt, I hate Langley. Like fuck, I imagined Surrey to be the worst part of the lower mainland. Hmph, you have no idea until you have travel to this other place across the globe that insanely enough have barely any restaurants to eat. Sorry, I didn’t mean that. NOT! I mean who in their right mind would live in a place where there is like nothing open after midnight and nothing to spoil your beloved tummy with? So why do I come here? Because the brat that I am I refuse to watch movies at any other theatres but Colossus. Roll your eyes as much as you want, no fucks are given here. This alien looking theatre attracts me, it simply does.

So whenever I am in Langley, I hear the same babbling thing coming out of W. “So we have.. Old spaghetti Factory (no) Moxie (no) Olive garden (YES!) East side Mario (no) Wendy’s (sure) Theatre food (must) Montana Cookhouse (mmhmm)” Maybe, not in that particular order every time .. but you get the idea.

Yesterday, our changed of hearts led us to EAST SIDE MARIOS. Because exactly as stated “from what I remember…. it was good”

Not gonna lie, I don’t really have many kind words to say about chain restaurants. However, East Side Marios is nowhere to be found anywhere in the lower mainland. Upon researching the location I found out that there is strangely enough other locations. The place was jam-packed with kids, we waited for about 10 minutes.

My tummy informed me I was not really in the mood for a huge entrée of pasta, from flipping between the menu and my Blackberry to check movie times I was convinced I only wanted cheesy appetizers. W always order entrée no matter what. As a rule of thumb, I always take a bite out of his food — no matter what.

From left to right: Ahhh, the Mushroom Cap. It exceeded my expectation. YAY! So cheesy and so moist and delicious and it did made a huge impact on whether this place was going to be burn down or not. Spanish dip, it was HOT! Discreetly, yes I was fucking upset my server didn’t tell me it was THAT hot. You should know this by now, as soon as the server place a dish on my table, I WILL ATTACK IT. I will attack it like I am a bee and the food is the person trying to take possession of my honey and abduct it. Anyway, it was good. Not the best, but still cheesy enough so I can appreciate it. Cheese sticks were plain and ordinary. The dipping, what dipping? I don’t even remember the dipping. That is how ordinary it was.

The “UNLIMITED” soup and salad that comes with any entrée you order. For something that is unlimited, is was tasteful. I shut up. Alas, if I had to pay for these 2 items, I will haunt you. I am obviously kidding, I am not that creepy. It wasn’t bad. Though, the dressing on that salad needs a little work. Also they needed maybe just one more tomato.

At this point, I was so high off all my cheesy appetizers, I didn’t even care much about a professional picture of the entrée. I did the half-est ass job you can get with picture-taking skills. Chicken Picatta is what it’s called. Seasoned chicken breast sautéed with mushrooms and white wine, then simmered with a lemon caper sauce. Served with seasonal fresh vegetables (we had green beans and it was awesome) and spaghetti with Primavera sauce. So, as comply the chicken breast was good, the pasta was not as good. Kind of plain by my standards. If I have to add my Tabasco sauce in order for the flavors to brighten up, you have failed my friend.

ARE YOU BORED YET? Aw, how nice and patience you are. Look what I am about to share with you for being such an excellent audience.

This thing had me at hello. I imagined it did say “hello” to me, just like any other desert that seduces me. Don’t judge me. I don’t know. But it had me alright. Chocolate roasted marshmallow with graham crackers on a crispy pizza. They have another name but I forgot it and can’t find it, so live with this. OMG, so at this point I was struggling to breath and didn’t know whether to order this delicious masterpiece or not. What do you do in a situation like that? Smarten the fuck up! Order it to go and sneak that bitch into the theatres. Ain’t gonna lie. I am shit scared to sneak food anywhere that is prohibited. Not that I am afraid of anything else, but the idea of my food being thrown in the garbage. Throwing the poor thing out terrifies me. However, W gave me the courage that we can take whatever the fuck we want in the theatres (please imagine I am saying this in my gangster tone of voice) or maybe it’s just the fact they we had overpower them by paying the extra dollars to watch the movie in Imax. This thing did me good. For a 2.5 hours movie, it did both of us good.

Verdict: I could do better. You could do better. Maybe this place was solely built to make us all feel like better cooks.

And of course I will tell you what movie I watched. I, with my sparkling little eyes with the “awe and ohhh” admired every bit of Real Steel. I love robots.

Despite the hatred I have for Langley. I am however, VERY open minded and very likely as soon as I love something will change my mind. If you do have a favourite resto in Langley, please let me know!! I would be more than happy if you share!